Today I woke up with that small sour lump lodged between my throat and my sinuses. After a brief foray out into the world to meet a friend and his lovely new lady, I retired to my apartment to hunker down and hibernate. But when my dinner plans fell through and all I wanted was chicken soup and ginger lemon tea, I donned my rubber boots, my goretex jacket, and my newly made fleece armwarmers, and rode my bike through the downpour to the grocery store.

Outside, the leaves glowed yellow and crimson under the looming grey sky, and squirrels darted back and forth across the slick streets gathering nuts. That's actually what brought me here today, the sentence assembling itself in my mind as I rode, the chuckle. I've gathered just about enough nuts, myself. Don't need anymore of those, thank you. Wishing as I pedaled, that it was spring, that it was time for planting, that the wild sloppy summer was splayed out in front of me. Wondering what, exactly, I have to harvest this season—everything I planted seemingly razed to the ground. But I thought of those squirrels, scurrying up trees, gathering nuts and seeds, tucking them away; this isn't exactly their harvest either. They've planted trees over the years, but not these ones. And that offered some solace, a flash of new perspective. I've been planting seeds all of my life. I can take my harvest from anywhere that has borne fruit; it doesn't have to be the new growth planted last spring. I don't have to have planted it at all.

The metaphor made my breath expand in the rain, and made my afternoon seem a little bit softer. So I brought home my goods from the store, and made soup in the glowing yellow light of my kitchen, curled up on my couch with my cup of tea, and listened with gratitude to the wind and rain outside my window, the soup bubbling on the stove.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

There have been some major life changes in the last couple of months. Some good, some hard. No, scratch that... All good. All hard. My feet aren't exactly on the ground again yet, but I've been feeling alive in a way I haven't in a while. It feels strange and brave to talk about this here, but it's what/who I am, right? Isn't that what it is to be an artist? Raw-edged. At least the kind of artist I am, the kind I want to be. I've spent the last few years pursuing the particular vein of making public space for the private and intimate.

It makes me think of my first or second term of grad school, of a man who didn't stay with us in the program for long, but he made an impression. He was a little more than most of us could handle, but he would raise his hand in discussions, and count off on his fingers: raw, naked, vulnerable and lost. This is how he felt, where he was, what his world meant to him at the time. He was an aging surfer, a lawyer, a man whose life had veered from the path he had anticipated, and he was trying to make sense of new terrain.

These things aren't exactly true for me. I don't feel lost. If anything, I feel suddenly, joltingly found. But, new terrain, that's the case, to be sure, and to be an artist, there is always a fair amount of that grappling. There has to be.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night with ideas... feelings and ideas, and today, finally, I gave myself to the studio, to the press, to color and shape, to the particular kind of motion of hours passing while I work. I spent the afternoon with ink on my hands and I feel it all in me again. I feel that river coursing again. I feel like myself. I feel myself, and one notch deeper. I'm excited about this new terrain.

I made monotypes and played with layering color, neither of which I've explored much in a long time.

And here's little a peek at a few of the pieces I was working on.